What’s Next? Leaning Into Opportunity After Making Your College Decision
May 1st, the national deadline day for college acceptance decisions, can bring mixed feelings for many hopeful college applicants. While some students have achieved their dream outcomes, and excitedly place their deposits at their university of choice, others are torn between what may seem to be imperfect and disappointing options.
From the outside, the college application appears pretty simple and straightforward: applicants have the grades and scores required and therefore gain acceptance, right?!? But we know this process is not only much more nuanced and opaque than that, but it’s also nearly impossible to separate out a binary “yes” or “no” from the emotional and personal implications of these outcomes.
Over the 20+ years I’ve been doing this work, I have never had a conversation with a disappointed (or excited) college applicant without spending much-needed time addressing the feelings associated with them. Grief, anger, frustration, confusion, disappointment, joy, excitement, gratitude, relief, are all emotions that many college bound students can relate to. Being able to remain hopeful, productively focused and confident while metabolizing this wide range of emotions is challenging even for the most mature of high school students.
Far too often, students equate outcomes with self-worth, believing that if they were smarter or worked harder, or perhaps demonstrated more leadership, they would have gotten a different outcome. The reality, however, is that the large majority of applicants to any particular college are not only deserving of acceptance, but are more than capable of a successful academic career at that institution. While you may not have gotten into a certain college, it doesn’t mean that you weren’t worthy of acceptance, and it certainly doesn’t have any bearing on your future potential. A surfeit of highly qualified applicants leaves Admission Officers with a painful task: having to select the lucky few to admit amidst the thousands of genuinely compelling candidates. This, like many things in the application process, is ultimately out of the applicant's control.
Decision in hand, college bound students have a tough decision to make; how, and when, do you choose to lean into the choice you do have, versus longing for the one you don’t? I know that letting go and moving on is hard, but in my experience, students who shift their focus from disappointment to gratitude can have a truly transformative college experience. For those students who were lucky enough to gain admission to their first choice college, leveling the excitement with reality, recognizing that change of any kind can present challenges, is also helpful for determining a positive college experience.
Regardless of where a student ends up, one of the best determinants of academic and professional success is not the name or presumed prestige of the college you have attended, but is in fact your commitment to fully engaging in the opportunities you have. Challenge yourself intellectually, try new things, get to know your professors and your peers who bring a wide array of talents, interests, and backgrounds to your shared home. Choose to love where you are, and the future will fall into place.
For those of you with disappointing outcomes, it may feel like you alone were singled out for rejection. However students all over the world - people you know - are struggling with their own college acceptance news, and understanding that you are in a shared community of acceptance, growth, and transition can help offset some of the loneliness (or unnecessary shame) of college denials. It’s also important to remember that your acceptance, even if it’s not your dream school, was someone else’s denial. Every student has their own pathway, and their own opportunities.
In all things, maintaining perspective is crucial. Whatever college outcome a student received is merely one small step in an exciting life journey. The college acceptances you did receive - good or “bad” - are not the culmination of your accomplishments, but mark the very beginning of what could be the most exciting, engaging, challenging, and rewarding four years of your life.
Recognizing - with gratitude and with awe - the opportunity you have before you is one of the best ways to celebrate the hard work and determination that got you here. This is a crossroads, one marking the beginning of a student’s transition from child to adult. This is your story, a fresh page before you on which you can create a life filled with hope, pride, and determination. Your college outcomes and ultimate decision is not a measure of your worth; what you do with the wealth of choices and opportunities ahead of you, however, can lead to the big, beautiful, rewarding, and messy life you most deserve.